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:iconmushi-mush993: More from mushi-mush993


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September 12, 2009
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Mushi, Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura have been best friends since 4th grade. Naruto got the guts to ask Mushi out in the 7th grade, and now they been in a private school called, Konoha High. The gang was sitting in and on an outside table outside their school, waiting for or Naruto called it, hell, to start. Sakura was brushing Mushi’s long purple hair, while she putted on black eye liner around her leafy green eyes.

Mushi wore a black long sleeve shirt with tears around her waist to show off her belly-button ring, black and purple checker skinny jeans, with black Converse that got skull bones flying around, she got green eyes with now black eye liner, three ear ring on each ear and long purple hair with a few blonde on her hair.

Sakura got on a long pink and purple jacket she wore over her purple tan top, she had purple skirt, fish net leggings and plan purple Converse, and she also had bubble gum eyes with her long black and pink hair. Mushi was putting on her dark pink eye liner.

Naruto got on an orange T-shirt that had two foxes in the front and another on the back, jeans with tears on them and a chain hanging from his back pocket. He got pale blue eyes, a lip ring, and blonde hair with a small taste of purple in it.

Sasuke got on his black arming on his arm {A/N: That white stuff on his arm idk what that is Dx} short dark blue sleeve shirt with tears on the sleeves, dark blue shirts with white tape on his legs. He had dark empty blue eyes and short jet blue hair.

“O…K” Mushi said looking at Sakura left and right, checking on her work “I…am…done!” she finish that work putting the top back on the eye liner.

“Let me see!” Sakura said, cheerfully. Mushi shrugged turned and looked in her black bag that’s covered in rainbow stars, till she found a mirror and hand it to her best friend then took out another black eye liner, pulled her boyfriend to her and began to draw 3 lines on each of his cheek. Sakura smiled and looked at Mushi’s handy work. “Wow, Mushi-chan you did awesome!”

“I know. I love my hair style, too.” She said, smiling at her newly made pony tails. “There.” She put the cap back on the liner. “Why do I have to do this?” she asked her boyfriend.

“’Cause I looked hot” he said, smiling

“Who are you trying to look hot for?”

“You duh.” he pulled his girlfriend to him and kissed her deeply. Mushi smiled in the kiss, kissing him back deeper. Sasuke and Sakura looked at them, for a minute or two till Sasuke got mad.

“YO!!!! Stop sucking faces and let’s get to school!!!” he yelled shooting a glare at them. Mushi open her eyes still kissing Naruto and shoot one back. They was shooting glares back and forth, till Naruto`s phone went off and he growled and cursed something in the kiss, then pulled away.

“Let it go to voice mail.” Mushi said, pulling him back into the kiss. Naruto shrugged and kissed her back. The couples closed their eyes and Naruto hand Sasuke the STILL ringing phone.

“It’s Tsunade-sama…” Sakura said, looking over at Sasuke`s shoulder, trying to look at the caller ID. Sasuke was smiled.

“Like I said, let it go to voice mail. Hehe Naru.” She giggled as Naruto started kissing her neck. Then Naruto pulled away grabbed the phone and answered it.

“I better answer it or I’ll won’t hear the end of it“he sighed walked away put the phone on his ear. “Ohaiyou, baa-chan.” he pulled the phone away, so Tsunade`s yelling hurt his ears. Mushi glared at Sasuke.

“Why you interrupted us!” she yelled

“So you guys could breath.” He glared back

“Come on you guys.” Sakura said, trying to calm them down.

“Whatever.” Mushi sat on the table. Sasuke looked at Naruto walking back, with his hand rubbing his head.

“What does Tsunade-sama wants?”

“You guys won’t believe me but-“


Sai and Hinata sat on the back seat of their limbo, with their father and little sister, Hanabi. Hinata had on a long lavender shirt with a red jacket that she cut the sleeves out, grey skinny jeans with light purple Converse, red finger-less fish net gloves on her left hand and an indigo color on the right one, and she had light purple eye liner. Sai had a black shirt that got a hood on the back, black pants that have black and white checker belt, and dark blue shoes.

“Why do we have to stay at this school, for 3 years?” Hinata said, quietly.

“So you two can get out the house.” Her dad said, looking out the window. Sai sighed drawing in his book.

“But, dad wants us to ‘mangle’ with other people beside the house-hold.” Sai said, putting two fingers up when he said mangle, still looking at his drawing then went back to drawing.

“But father, they’re ok without meeting new people...” Hanabi said, not wanting her big brother and sister to leave her for 3 years

“Yes, but your big brother and sister are old enough to find more people their own age… Not people in the house-hold, Hanabi.”

“But!” Hinata said, thinking of something, “Mom won’t let us do something that we don’t wanna do!!”

“She’s ok with it, Hinata-nee-chan.” Sai said, smiling. “I and father talked to her and I said you’re crazy `bout the idea.”

“Trader…” Hinata mumbled below her breath. Sai smiled, looking out the window. The limbo stopped in front of a big school, where 4 weird looking kids stood there waiting for them.

“The welcome community…lovely…” Sai mumbled, opening the door and walking out, following by his sister. Haishi and Hanabi said their goodbyes and the car drove away and Hinata staring at the car. Sai held her hand facing the 4 weird kids. “We are in hell, dear little sister.” He said, making his sister to turn around


Naruto and Mushi held each other hand while Sakura and Sasuke looked at them weirdly.

“Rich kids…” Sasuke said, sighing

“Like we need more of them…” Naruto sighed also

“Come on guys,” Sakura started, walking to the new kids

“They might be nice…” Mushi ended, letting go of Naruto`s hand and following Sakura.

“If we treat them right.” The girls giggled. The boys got goose bumps and followed them

“Hello!” Mushi said, cheerfully. The new girl blushed and bowed. Mushi tilted her head to the side with a clueless smile. “You’re shy?”

“I think she is…” Sakura said. Then she cleared her throat and pushed the boys beside the girls. “I’m Sakura Hanuro, the eyes of this school.” She smiled sweetly. The new boy blushed then looked away.

“Sasuke Uchiha…I’m like…I don’t know…need my help of getting into any of the clubs…I’m here for yea…or whatever…” Sasuke said, then he caught glimpse of the shy girl and blush. But, it went away when he cleared he’s throat.

“Naruto Uzumaki, I’m the principal grandson of this hell-hole they called school!!” Naruto smiled widely placing his hands on his hips. Mushi rolled her eyes and giggled softly.

“I’m Mushi Uzumaki, and I’m your map if you need anything and also the ears here. And if you guys need help with looking good…” Mushi smiled with her eyes closed and pointed to her cheek. “Just call me!!  We’ll show you around and the whole day we’re going to get you ready for this school.”

“But, before we get started…” Sasuke said, sighing. Naruto and he went to the new boy “We gotta put your things in our room. That’s where you’re staying…”

“Same thing goes for you girl.” Sakura grabbed the girls stuff. “Meet here in 20 minutes, ok boys?”

“Hai.” Naruto said, as the boys went to the boy’s dorms and the girls to the girl’s dorm.


Mushi and Sakura were talking to each other, but the shy girl kept quiet, listening. Well, she had to talk when Mushi asked the girl her name

“Hinata…Hinata Hyuuga…”

“Hmm…” Mushi said “Nice name.”

“Yeah, I really love that name!”

“Sakura, you and your preppy outburst scared me at times.” Mushi glared at Sakura

“Opps, gomen, Mushi-chan.”

“Anyways,” Mushi sighed and smiled at Hinata. “Tell us a bit `bout yourself.”

“Umm…” Hinata blushed alittle “I love to read… I’m kinda smart…and…” she smiled looking at the floor. “This might seem weird but, I like emo guys…”

“Bitching?!” Mushi and Sakura said, unison, facing Hinata. She blushed more, looking confused. Sakura understood why she made that face and giggled

“We said, really.”

“Yeah, that’s how we kinda say stuff. Anyways, our friends are emo.”

“Yeah, Naruto and Sasuke.”

“Oh!” Hinata`s blushed went away and she looked happy. “Umm… are you and Naruto are brother and sister, Mushi-chan?”

“Hmm?” Mushi stop and smiled hearing someone beside Sakura and Naruto calling her ‘chan’ “Nah, we’re not family…”

“Then you guys are married?”

“Yup!”

“Mushi!” Sakura said quickly

“OK, ok…” Mushi sighed and mumbled something about Sakura and her fun. “My last name is Amaterasu.”

“Oh, then why you said your name was, Mushi Uzumaki?”

“`Cause me and him are going to get marry one day and I want people to get use to my NEW last name.” Mushi said proudly. Sakura sighed with a sweatdrop on her head.

“Mushi and Naruto are ‘madly in love’ with each other’” Sakura said, bored

“What!!!! It’s true!!!!” Mushi yelled, childly and her eyes watery. Sakura rolled her eyes.

“Suuuuure.”

“Sakura-chan, are you with someone?”

“Nope!!”

“… Do you believe in love?”

“Nope!”

“Why is that?”

“Cherry-Blossom here,” Mushi said, resting her elbow on Sakura’s shoulder and her thumb pointing to her. “Have a REALLY bad love life.”

“Oh?”

“Mhm, she likes older guys. I don’t know why.”

“’Cause they don’t play around, not like guys my age or younger then me. Now, get off me, Bug Shinning over Heaven.” Sakura said, pushing Mushi off her, blushing a little. Mushi laughed a little

“Have you ever gone out with someone around your age?” Hinata asked

“Ye-“

“Hell no she haven’t.” Mushi interrupted Sakura. Sakura glared at her but, Mushi just smiled “She said ‘I’ll never date ANY guy my age.’ I’m trying to make and or force her to go with a younger dude.” Mushi un-locked her dorm room. Once the girls walked in, one side of the room was painted neon green and the other side neon pink. There was a big couch, a 20in. flat screen TV, a beautiful balcony that shows a nice view of the ocean.

“Mushi-chan, shut up. This is our room. There are 2, well now 3, bedrooms, each room have its own bathroom, but there’s a bathroom out of the bedrooms that got a Jacuzzi.”

“Yup, you could use that for pleasures reasons.” Mushi elbowed Hinata softly in the ribs and giggled when Hinata blushed beet red. Sakura sighed and rolled her eyes. “Well, now we know why we had to stay in that guest dorm.”

“Yup. Well, Hinata-chan let’s put your stuff down and we’ll give you a tour around the girls dorm.” Sakura said, smiling at her. Hinata smiled back and nodded.


The guys were walking to their room, quietly. Naruto really hated when it’s really quiet like this, even with Teme and this new kid, they gotta share a room with. Sasuke didn’t want to talk he just want to get this day over with. He really hate being in the ‘Welcome Community’. Naruto couldn’t take the quietness anymore.

“So, new meat. You got a name ooor you want us to call you ‘new meat’ for the rest of the school year?” Naruto asked, looking at the wall

“Sai Hyuuga…Question?” Sai said, straight-forward

“Hm?” Naruto looked at Sai.

“That girl…”

“Which one?”

“The purple haired one…I think she said her name was…. Mushi?”

“What about her?” Naruto said, annoyed. Sasuke just looked forward.

“Are you two siblings?”

“Eh?” Naruto stopped and Sasuke sighed and stopped also.

“Yeah, you got hearing problems? Is Mushi and you brother and sisters?”

“Why?”

“Because, you guys don’t look like it.”

“No they’re not.” Sasuke finally said. “Mushi say that `cause they are going out.”

“YOU?!” Sai pointed to Naruto. Sasuke raised an eye-brow.

“Yes me” Naruto looked AND sounded annoyed. Sai rolled his eyes and looked at the wall.

“Man, I wonder if she’s doing that for extra creates.” Sai mumbled

“WHAT?!” Naruto yelled. Sasuke laughed out loud holding his stomach.

“Well, a hot chick likes her, going out with a dude like…YOU, that’s a shame.” Sai shock his head. Sasuke laughed louder till the point when he had tears falling. Naruto got pissed. This new kid, haven’t been here for a week and already starting shit with him. What the hell is he’s problem!?! No one makes fun of him going out with Mushi. Just about when Naruto was about to punch the lights out of Sai, Sasuke placed a hand on Sai’s shoulders, wiping a tear from his eye.

“Dude, your ok in my book.” Sasuke smiled. “Anyways here is our room.” Sasuke said, un-locking the door and opening it. When they stepped in, the room was kinda of a mess. A few clothes all over the floor, a handful of Ramen cups on the floor also, along on the table. A few pictures of the gang when they were in the 4th. Sasuke took Sai’s bags and so did Naruto.

“Hey?!”

“You guy anything that’s breakable, Sai?” Naruto said, smirking and walking to an empty room, along wit Sasuke

“N-no. Bu” It was too late. The boys threw his bags in the room and they walked out the room. “Hey!!!”

“Come on. Sakura don’t like to be waiting.” Sasuke said, sighing running his finger through his hair. Sai sighed, forgetting about his bags being thrown in his new room, and the boys walked to where the girls were waiting.

“Hey, are you with that other hot chick? Sakura was her name?”

“Nah. I’m happily single.”

“Hm. You guys mind helping me out.”

“With?” Naruto asked, cluelessly. Sasuke sighed at Naruto.

“Trying to go out with her.”

“Why would you wanna go out with Sakura-chan?”

“`Cause she’s hot and cute. So, will you?”

“Sure!”

“Whatever.” Sasuke thought about that shy girl he saw earlier. “That girl, she’s your sister right?”

“Yeah. She’s really shy, Guy loves that about her, but she’s too scared to go with them.” Sai said, putting his hands behind his head closing his eyes. “I don’t know why. Something `bout worrying being heart broken.”

“She’s with anyone?” he looked forward.

“Nope… Why?” Sai open one eye looking at him.

“I want to go with her… Is that a problem?”

“Nah…” Sai closed his eyes, thought for a moment then smirked. Naruto notice this.

“What cha thinking?”

“I’ll help you with my sister IF you help me with Sakura.”

“WHAT?!” the boys said, unison stopping. Sai stop also, let his hands down and faced the boys still smirking.

“You guys heard me.”

“Ugh… I’m not in this!!” Naruto said, walking forward. Sasuke stared at Sai and Sai the same.

“Deal…” Sasuke held out his hand.

“WHAT?!” Naruto said tripping over his own foot and ran back to the two guys. “Sasuke are you sure it’s ok?!”

“Shut it, dope.” Sasuke said, sounding annoyed. “Do we got a deal?”

“We sure do.” Sai smirked more, shaking hands with Sasuke, sealing the deal. Naruto groaned loudly.

“The deal starts tomorrow.”

“Got it. Now, let’s go. I can’t wait for that tour around the school, with Sakura-chan.” Sai said, walking ahead. The two boys stay there staring at him. Naruto shock his head

“Fucking damn rich kid…”

“Come on dope. Mushi might be worry `bout you.” Sasuke walked forward. Naruto sighed following his best friend and the new rich kid out of the boy’s dorm room.
Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto, and Mushi, the random emo group, were best friends since 4th grade. Now they are in high school, and Hinata and Sai comes into the picture. What's going to happen...

When emo boy meets shy girl
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:iconnekostriker101:
Nekostriker101 Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2011
The only problem I have with this is everythings moving to fast (like they just met so why would Hinata say that blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...) but I think thats just cause I'm a picky reader XP (I enjoyed reading books my whole life and my mom is really good at proffessional writing even if she doesn't do it for a living) but htis is really good!!!!=^-^=
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:iconmushi-mush993:
mushi-mush993 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2011  Student Digital Artist
Don't worry I'm going to try to slow things down, and since I have a editor it'll be better to read and thanks for reading ^_^
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:iconnekostriker101:
Nekostriker101 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2011
Yay~ I'll have to re-read it sometime then^^
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:iconmushi-mush993:
mushi-mush993 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2011  Student Digital Artist
And the next one will be up in a few days so be on the look out for that ^_^
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:iconnekostriker101:
Nekostriker101 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2011
Yes! I will~
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:iconhinatakaname:
hinatakaname Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
This is a nice piece, but I feel like pointing a few things out:

The characters are somewhat OOC (that stands for 'out of character' ). That, for me, is mostly because Hinata tells Sakura and Mushi even what boys she likes after they just met, while in the anime she barely talks to the girls that she's known for all her life.
Also, the setting is completely different. Naruto is a ninja story, in which no one is emo. Or, well, not Naruto, anyway.Of course, fan fiction is fan fiction, but then you should point out the fact that this happens in an alternate universe. Otherwise it's just as if you wrote a completely other story with no resemblance to the original except for the names of the characters (you can even get sued for plagiarism, although I doubt Kishimoto will sue you...)
Your grammar is, I'm sorry to say this, terrifying. I will point out a few mistakes:

'Sakura got on a long pink and purple jacket she wore over her purple tan top, she had purple skirt,'

Sakura had on a long pink and purple jacket she wore over her purple tan top, a purple skirt, etc.

' “I want to go ? with her… Is that a problem?” '

' “I want to go out with her… Is that a problem?” '

' Naruto shock his head '

You're shocked (or in shock) when you receive...well, shocking news, or are stuck by lightning or any other form of electricity.

' Naruto shook his head. '

This is what you wanted to write. It's shaking your head from left to right or right to left or whatever suits your mood better. And yes, the dot is in bold, too.

There are many others, too, like using "he's" (he+to be in present simple) instead of 'his' (shows that something belongs to him; ' It's his notebook/shirt/toilet paper/etc.), but I'm not going to point out everything.

Also, punctuation! It is a very important thing, because it can save lives!
And now I'll give an example I love!

Let's eat grandpa!

and

Let's eat, grandpa!

Notice that in the first one? Exactly. No comma (,). That means we are going to eat grandpa; that will (obviously) kill him, and it will make us cannibals, which would ruin our lives forever because of people stereotyping us!:noes:

The little comma in the second example is what stops us from killing our own grandfather and being outcasts forever!:dummy: We only express our wish to eat together with our grandpa.

Also, try to deepen your plots for everything to be much more interesting and catchy! The title should be a little more mysterious, too. I instantly knew who and what this story was about since when I read the title (not considering that I found it in the gallery of a group that's about SasuHina).

I hope you will consider this when you write fan fiction next time, as I tried to give the most constructive criticism I could.
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:iconmushi-mush993:
mushi-mush993 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2011  Student Digital Artist
My grammar IS bad. I use to have a editer but I lost contact with her. I'm sorry. Also, most fan dub that is out there doesn't go with the ninja world. Some go with the real world, and I was trying to aim there. I'm sorry that this story isn't to your liking. ANd I'd like to thankk you for pointing it out.
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:iconhinatakaname:
hinatakaname Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
The story is good, it's just that it's not so Naruto-related.

I was only trying to help, I'm sorry if I caused any inconvenience.
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:iconmushi-mush993:
mushi-mush993 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2011  Student Digital Artist
It's ok. But some fan-art aren't Naruto-related. Um... Naruto related is with the ninja world right? Well some fan put them in the real world...
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:iconemoxxgirl9:
emoxxgirl9 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2011
OMG soo fucking awesome
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